Sunday, July 13, 2008
just had a long chat with regi on msn...n she's off to bed now. frankly speaking, i've been feeling very down since we started chatting. or rather, before we started chatting.
Chao Ge's concert ended at 11pm, and i smsed clar after that. he didnt reply me, until 2+am. only till that time, then i was told that he, regi, mel, zy, ys and a few others went drinking and had supper. i asked why didn't he tell me that or i could have taken a cab down to join them. he said he was lazy to reply. considering he knows that i like to drink, yet he left me out in this drinking session. he told the rest that i went for concert, and also told regi and mel that i smsed him, they kept telling him to reply me and he said 'later', but the 'later' never comes. how am i to feel?
i'm not feeling sad because of this matter (well yes, partly), but my thoughts went wild again.
I hate myself for always being 24/7 available.
I hate myself for being taken for granted.
I hate myself for not knowing how to say NO, not knowing how to reject people.
I hate myself for being so gullible, trusting people so easily, believing every word that they say.
I hate myself for not knowing how to detect loopholes in people's words.
I hate myself for putting too much into friendships.
I hate myself for always getting empty promises (i bet he can't remember what he promised to do for me).
I hate myself for being rejected by people all the time.
I hate myself for placing my friends more important than myself.
I hate myself for always being so sad and depressed, and nobody gives a damn.
I hate myself for always going the extra mile and not getting anything in return.
I hate myself for being such a shitty friend, not being able to help my friends when they're sad or angry.
I hate myself for not knowing what my friends treat me as.
I hate myself for not knowing what i want.
I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF!!!!
i'm really tired of all these nonsense. sometimes i'll think, does anybody even know of my existence in this world? why can't i be as lucky as other people, yet got to suffer all this shit? i don't know what the hell am i doing in this world. maybe, i'm better off dead.
Chao Ge's concert ended at 11pm, and i smsed clar after that. he didnt reply me, until 2+am. only till that time, then i was told that he, regi, mel, zy, ys and a few others went drinking and had supper. i asked why didn't he tell me that or i could have taken a cab down to join them. he said he was lazy to reply. considering he knows that i like to drink, yet he left me out in this drinking session. he told the rest that i went for concert, and also told regi and mel that i smsed him, they kept telling him to reply me and he said 'later', but the 'later' never comes. how am i to feel?
i'm not feeling sad because of this matter (well yes, partly), but my thoughts went wild again.
I hate myself for always being 24/7 available.
I hate myself for being taken for granted.
I hate myself for not knowing how to say NO, not knowing how to reject people.
I hate myself for being so gullible, trusting people so easily, believing every word that they say.
I hate myself for not knowing how to detect loopholes in people's words.
I hate myself for putting too much into friendships.
I hate myself for always getting empty promises (i bet he can't remember what he promised to do for me).
I hate myself for being rejected by people all the time.
I hate myself for placing my friends more important than myself.
I hate myself for always being so sad and depressed, and nobody gives a damn.
I hate myself for always going the extra mile and not getting anything in return.
I hate myself for being such a shitty friend, not being able to help my friends when they're sad or angry.
I hate myself for not knowing what my friends treat me as.
I hate myself for not knowing what i want.
I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF!!!!
i'm really tired of all these nonsense. sometimes i'll think, does anybody even know of my existence in this world? why can't i be as lucky as other people, yet got to suffer all this shit? i don't know what the hell am i doing in this world. maybe, i'm better off dead.
what we could have been, 6:35 AM.
